How to post a sad entry without sounding emo or why are you all e-mailing me?

No one likes emo kids. Be honest, they suck, and before you defend it, they also think they suck, because if they didn't then why would they be emo. I'm all for expressing one's self but usually, when you express yourself it adds something to society. Even appearing emo guarantee's people judging you right away as a pussy. Wearing black does not make someone emo, by the way. Black is a cool color and they seem to have reclaimed it from us.

Hell, while goth people aren't exactly my favorite people to be around at least they aren't pussies. The sad part is, I think the emo style is actually quite cool looking (well...some, not all), if only it wasn't for their personalities. Any guy who wears skinny jeans, you might as well castrate yourself. Any girl who wears skinny jeans...ok you got me there, but my point still stands that emo people are annoying.

Unfortunately emo kids have totally ruined actual emotion so much that when you actually reach sadness, people tell you to stop being emo. It's almost impossible to be sad now, thanks to this subculture. They also all think they same thing about everything, it has such a clique mentality behind it. As soon as band gets somewhat popular, oh shit, they sold out. It's like as soon as the 100th person discovers them, their old news now. This is not proper underground appreciation. Just because something goes mainstream or becomes popular doesn't destroy art as we know it. The thing that made us fall in love with it in the first place is still there, we just don't like the fact that the art wanted to seen or heard by more people than just us. After all, it's not like a monogamous relationship between two people. However, I still understand how it feels sometimes when something gets popular and all of the sudden I'm less attached to it, so that even sounds hypocritical on my part, but I acknowledge it and don't quite understand why I feel this way sometimes. But I digress, my point is that as soon as you post a sad or seemingly sad entry, you've been regarded as emo...and I truly hate that word.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted about romance, and despite my explanations, it seems like people ignored that happy ending I put and seem to think that I am totally alone...at least those of you who sent me Facebook messages because you wouldn't post in the comments.

Ok, I'm about to go on a tangent again about something completely unrelated so bare with me here. Please, post comments on the blog when you want to talk to me about a blog post. It keeps me sane. Don't send me Facebook messages, or fill the e-mail inbox of my podcast with those kinds of questions. Now, back to our main story.

Yes, I am single, and have been for a long time now, but it honestly doesn't bother me as it did a few months back. I'm in school, incredibly busy with the blog...sort of...and the podcast...again, sort of...but it's mostly school that's keeping me busy. While I would still like to have a relationship...like say, now...I'm not exactly as desperate as some people like to think I am. Yes, I do obsess and complain in real life about that stuff with my friends, but it's usually in a joking manner, with a huge smile on my face. Let's face facts, as much as I pretend to be older, and even more mature and sophisticated sometimes, I'm only 21. I've got a long road of mistakes ahead of me, and I'm in no hurry to make them.

That blog post came out just simple boredom and need for an entry. I thought it was cool, and something to diversify the blog a bit, after all, this isn't a tech blog, it's just a writing blog. A place to store my thoughts in general, and not really detailed status of my well-being or emotion. You probably won't find that on the internet, you'll get that from actually talking to me.

I'm glad that I did get a somewhat large response from that, even if there are no comments...and I know all of you...but I'm glad some of you decided to share your thoughts, and even check to see if I was cutting myself (I wasn't, but thanks...I guess).

Ok...sorry, I'm about to go a random thought again. I've just noticed that used the ellipsis...about 14...15 times in this post, and they're probably...going to...become...more...frequent. In all seriousness, ADD had taken hold and I needed to type that.

My point in that post was to really point out how stupid love is...and how many stupid things we'll do to achieve it. Yet, in the end, it's worth it. I mean, seriously, do I have to be funny or playful at all times with my writing before I type something serious into the computer?

Something I think I was also trying to get out, but I personally think I failed at conveying, was a rant towards myself. Too many times I have looked at a woman and fallen miserably in love. No, I don't just lust after a woman, I find that to be barbaric and somewhat below me to solely want a woman for her body (However, that doesn't hurt her chances of me...probably never talking to her because of that) but I truly do like someone with a good head on their shoulders. Willing to explore the things I like for the first time and keeping an open mind about it, while I try my best to do the same (sadly, I'm pretty closed minded but I honestly try) and simply being able to hold a conversation on one subject for a lengthy period of time.

I can think of 3 people in my audience who reads these, have actually met the "requirements" (and I use the term loosely...also because I can't think of another term) in the last two sentences of the above paragraph and I can guarantee that I have either had a crush on them or asked them out (to save them the embarrassment, I won't say who they are) and yet now I moved on and just see them as friends. How does that happen? I mean really think about that. Essentially, the person hasn't changed but I have because of something I did of my own accord. How can I fall out of love so easily? Am I alone here? I'm starting to think that I'm the only guy who gives this any thought...and also, I'm starting to think my brains are way bigger than my balls (I went a really long time writing this blog without a dick joke, spare me.).

Ok, so what the fuck am I getting at? Well, first, thanks for not clicking away during all this nonsense, because I actually do have a point. My point is, make sure you understand someone's message before you confront or try to comfort the person, because then you just start making an ass out of yourself...and you probably make the person who sent the message look bad too.

I'll end this on a happy note, instead of a scolding. There is someone out there that I'm looking at, and unlike...well...I don't want to give too much away. I know she isn't reading this, and I'm also afraid of the people who know who I'm talking about posting something in the comments about it. So I'll be brief. I truly like this person and it seems odd how we met, and odd how our potential friendship/(hopefully)relationship is going to develop. Yet, I'm still optimistic about it, despite of all the potential things in my life that could get in the way. No matter what happens, I'll be hanging in there...and typing up stupid blog entries for your entertainment.

(Also, count how many times I used parenthesis in this post. I'm telling you, counting is fun!)

Intellectual romance is an oxymoron...

Here from behind my sight, my thoughts my mind
Show from the light
The time is right
And from the depth within show the balance
Of outer and inner harmony
Mind and heart, soul and spirit undivided
Here's where teh true strength and beauty lies
We'll see this before us with our own eyes
We'll see, with our own eyes... LOVE

-Lyrics from Living in the Shell

Living in the Shell is one of my favorite songs of all time, the stength of Steve Conte's voice pulled back into a rather sweet song about imagination, discovering one's self through dreams and passing thoughts, and being excited and unclear of what this all means (at least, that's my interpretation of the song, feel free to disagree.)

The chorus changes the viewpoint of the singer a couple of times, almost as if he is talking to his past self, and something has caused him to feel called and given him a purpose.

Towards the end of the song, Shanti Synder recites that poem (note, it's not sung, it's spoken, which amplifies it's effect).

The male has been called away from his "shell" to this woman because he has fallen for this woman and is unsure of his feelings towards her.. He is preparing to venture out of his "shell" to find out.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Living in the Shell is off the Ghost in the Shell soundtrack, hence the "shell" so the song also probably deals with cybernetics, but I don't believe this is a major point in the song, but again this is just my personal interpretation of the song, feel free to disagree.

Ok, so what does this have to do with the title of this post? Some of you might think:

"Didn't you just totally disprove that romance can't be viewed from an intellectual stand-point? You just did it with a song off an anime soundtrak that may or may-have nothing to do with romance."

Think again, and watch as I destory everything I just said from an overanalytical stand point!

The man in this song apparently has never talked back to this calling, he doesn't know who this is. You remember when you were young, and someone you didn't know called for you? Did you ever go to that person?

No, because as a child you shouldn't approach strangers. Let's strip the spirituality out of the song for a minute. In fact, let's put these two characters in the song in an environment that might make sense.

You're a guy, with an appreciation for the arts (rare thing, I know) and instead of going out with the guys to drink beers, butt heads over simple opinions, stating their opinions as fact, and of course, measuring things. You know, stereotypical guy things. Our male character in our little scenario is similar to his friends but just didn't feel like doing that, and went to a poetry night for some out of character reason.

Upon the stage he is continually unimpressed by the so-called nonsensical words that pass for poetry nowadays.

Suddenly, a beautiful woman, steps into the spotlight. She pulls out the paper with her delicate hands, slightly trembling at all the people watching her every move, her stance on stage is not as confident as the other so-called poets, but her small voice, carrying the most magnificent words with meaning behind them, and it seems like as she goes on, her confidence improves because it seems that she has been talking to him the whole time, and he's seemingly made eye contact with her. His heart is outracing the fastest drag car in the world, and all he can for her is stare.

Pray tell, what did he fall in love with? Her beauty? Her shyness at the beginning? Her confidence at the end? The eye contact that was possibly was made? The words she spoke? The whole package?

I know most of you are saying the whole thing, but I'll kill that one right now, while destroying the rest of those details.

What just happened was a moment in time, not a bad moment, mind you, but a moment never to be repeated again. Nothing in life is ever exactly the same. Hell, that goes for everything, you can watch a movie twice and have a completely different experience and opinion of it each time (I'm looking at you Stanley Kubrick), your daily routine is always slightly different, even if it feels like the same mundane thing, and even if you recorded that moment on camera and showed it to our male character, even his experience would be different. Moments are lost like tears in rain to paraphrase a quote from Blade Runner. The trick is to continue feeling the way you did during that moment. So what if he actually just fell in love with that moment but can never recall those feelings ever again?

So maybe he fell in love with her beauty, but now she's out of the stage light and you realize she isn't as beautiful as she was onstage. However, that's shallow of him, so let's go for the shyness. She really never opens up to him now, and is so paralyzed by this trait that conversation is almost impossible, and he's probably going to get nowhere with that, so let's try her confidence that she showed, and let's say the shyness thing was an act. Her confidence has now made him timid and he is afraid of her being overpowering. Ok, so the eye contact! Turns out she was looking above everyone and never down at the audience to keep her concentration intact (as a good performer should do) it just appeared like she looked at him.

Her words! There's truth to her words! Even if she know doesn't him, he was entranced by the words she spoke. Nothing more beautiful and honest in this world than those words to him at this moment, and he wants to dig this person's brain to see if there are more words to match his own and finally see if there's someone on this planet that understands him like he seems to understand her.

Turns out, she didn't even write it.

She was just reading it for her friend who was too shy to come up onstage. Did I just break your heart? He possibly would have been better off never talking to her.

Now what is the point of all this? There are some things that we become attached to and we can even describe why, but I don't believe that love is one of them. The couple that seemed so lovey-dovey with each other but splits up only 5 weeks in to their relationship, while the couple who have pulled knives on each other but has been together for 45 years, and will continue to be that way until death do them part. Neither makes sense to really anyone. I don't even believe the people in those relationships could ever explain it.

There's no logic, no rhyme, no reason, no single iota of thought behind love. It can drive you mad, it can drive other people to kill you, and it can drive your car off a bridge to prove a point. More than war, harmful substances, and just plain old accidents, I believe love will be the end all be all of your life. Women and men are made for each other biologically, but intellectually we're both different, both sides viewing the other as crazy. If your gay, then you have even less of a reason to love, because you aren't made for each other biologically, and even the same sex couples will see things differently over the other. So other than the continued survival of our species (yet, humanity is the only creature capable of self-loathing, think about it for a while) why would we subject ourselves to embarrassment and danger that is love?

Because as much as love can kill us, we'll simply die without it. Something we can't live without as a species, and something that could potentially kill off our species is something that is completely illogical, and throwing the words "intellectual romance" together causes a the rarest of morons to be formed, the one made out of oxygen, the illusive, oxymoron.

Love is a threat, love is a enabler. Won't live very long with it, and won't live at all without it.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.